RELATIONSHIPS AND COUPLES' CONCERNS

We all desire closeness and intimacy. There are few things as nourishing as a loving relationship and few things as painful as a relationship wrought with conflict and animosity. Satisfying relationships require effective communication, respect, mutuality, and consideration.

Relationship skills are learned. Some people are fortunate enough to learn some of these skills in their families of origin, the rest learn later in life. A psychotherapist can be a real asset in helping to acquire important skills in communication, authentic and secure connection, and emotional intelligence.

Couples with a wide range of problems and who are at different relationship stages and phases benefit from therapy. I respect all cultures, sexual orientations, faiths, arrangements, and traditions.

Are these areas of concern for you? Such as:

• Problems in communication

• Conflict resolution

• Expressing emotions openly

• Closeness, intimacy, and commitment

• Infidelity

• Trust issues

• Decisions about whether to marry or divorce

• Financial issues

• Blended family issues

Couples therapy has helped many relationships come back from the brink. And even if you and your partner do decide to split, couples’ therapy can help you have a "healthier" breakup.

Some questions you might ask yourselves…

• Have you been spending more and more time apart?

• Have your beliefs become vastly different?

• Do you feel more relaxed and "yourself" when your partner is not around?

• Have you and your partner stopped talking, except for everyday things, like "Pass the butter?"

• Are you rarely intimate anymore, if ever?

• Did you used to have "discussions" and now you only have arguments?

• Do you have open contempt for each other?

Therapy is an important component in relationship transition, don't try to do it alone, be brave and reach out for help.

 

Some losses have nothing to do with death, but they can still be challenging to deal with. In some cases, it might be hard to explain what happened and why you’re so upset. But no matter how it happened, it can hurt a lot when you experience a big change.

Non-death related losses include

• Relationship breakups
• Moving far away
• The divorce of family members
• Fighting with friends and not being able to make up
• Family estrangements
• Losing your spirituality
• Loss of life dreams
• Life-changing or life-threatening illness
• Developing a disability
• Life-changing identity concerns

Whatever the loss, you need to get the help necessary to heal.

Clinically speaking, psychotherapy is a form of intervention between a trained psychotherapist and a patient with a goal to aid in the problems of living. Psychotherapy is simply talking about your problems with a therapist to resolve issues like anxiety, depression, and other mental health ailments.

Psychotherapists use a variety of techniques to help improve a patient’s quality of living and mental state. The National Institute of Mental Health states that one-third of adults experience an emotional or substance abuse problem or disorder in their lifetime. Almost 25 percent of adults will experience depression or anxiety. When this happens to you, don’t go it alone – get help.

How does psychotherapy help? Why do people consider psychotherapy an option?

By talking with a mental health professional, many people have found that their quality of living has improved. This can be a small increase or completely transformative — the spectrum of help provided through psychotherapy is vast and can be long-term.

The most common reasons someone might look to see a psychotherapist include

• Feeling overwhelmed and in despair for long periods of time.
• Experiencing emotional difficulties and problems which make day to day life a chore and seem impossible.
• The behaviours brought about by these emotions damage relationships, either through withdrawal or aggression.
• With no one else to turn to an outside source of help is the safest option.

Is psychotherapy effective?

Many studies have shown that psychotherapy is an effective form of treating and managing mental illnesses and other emotional disorders. Many see an increase in their quality of life, as well as the potential for a total transformation.

The positive effects of psychotherapy can also be found in physical illness. Psychotherapy can increase the survival time of those who have gone through heart surgery, transplants, and cancer treatments because of the positivity and support it gives them. This means that psychotherapy effects both a person’s physical and mental well-being.

It is true, however, that no one can be cured overnight. The positive aspects of psychotherapy can be both short-term and long-term, but effort on the part of both parties is required for at least several sessions – possibly even years.

How do you get the most out of psychotherapy?

First, be willing. It’s imperative that you both cooperate with your psychotherapist and follow any at-home instructions they offer you.

Next, remember that therapy is a two-way street. Your therapist has responsibilities to treat you competently with approved therapy methods and understanding. You also have a responsibility to follow instructions, not be combative, and be open to what your therapist has to say.

How do I know the therapy is working?

Remember to take a baby steps approach to psychotherapy. You won’t see instant results, so don’t be downtrodden when you aren’t magically cured within a month. Any progress is good progress.

You’ll also know your therapy is working when you have a good rapport with your psychotherapist. When you’re both putting in a positive effort, you both know you’re succeeding. When you feel stuck or like you aren’t moving forward with a therapist, they may not be a good fit for you so be sure to raise this with your therapist.

Remember to look at your therapist’s opinions and observations objectively. Consider them with as rational a mind as possible. Being immediately combative and dismissive isn’t a great way to get better.

Don’t be afraid if you’re having a lot of emotional moments and breakdowns in and after therapy starts. You’re likely tackling a lot of tough subject matter, and this can make your emotions run high. Crying is usually a good sign. Often, the more emotional you feel after therapy, the more proof you have that you are getting somewhere.

Never forget — psychotherapy treatment isn’t easy, but the results you’ll see are worth working for.

Every person carries out two kinds of mental processes: how we take in information, and how we make decisions about that information. Everyone has preferred ways of using these mental processes.

It has been observed that we all live in two worlds: the outer world of things, people and events, and the inner world of our own thoughts, feelings, and reflections. Each person has a preference for either the outer world or the inner world. The preferences are innate — inborn predispostions — and they are shaped by environmental influences, such as family, culture, and education. 

People who prefer extraversion direct their energy and attention outward. They are focused on the outer world of people and activity. People who prefer introversion direct their energy and attention inward. They are focused on their inner world of ideas and experiences. We all use both preferences, but usually not with equal comfort.

People who prefer sensing focus on present realities, verifiable facts, and experience. People who prefer intuition focus on future possibilities, the big picture, and insights. We all use both ways of perceiving, but typically we prefer and trust one more.

People who prefer thinking make their decisions based on impersonal, objective logic. People who prefer feeling make their decisions based on personal priorities and relationships. Both processes are rational, we use both, but usually not with equal ease.

People who prefer judging want the external world to be organized and orderly. They look at the world and see decisions that need to be made. People who prefer perceiving seek to experience the world, not organize it. They look at the world and see options that need to be explored. We all use both attitudes, but usually not with equal comfort. 

To find out your personalized personality assessment, book an appointment today. This will help you better understand your relationships and your motivations.

Well here we are! PPS has now entered the world of blogging. I have lots that I want to talk about so over the coming months I plan to cover the topics of anxiety, grief, depression, and relationship problems. Let me know what else you are interested in.

Today I've been thinking about the importance of metaphor in our lives.

Metaphor gives us the ability to communicate experiences and feelings that may be difficult to talk about. Embler (1966) in his book, ‘Metaphor and Meaning’, explained that metaphors, through stories, words, proverbs, symbols, and objects offer a more precise sense of inner life, which consists of feelings, affections, thoughts, and beliefs. In psychotherapy, we can use metaphor as a treatment technique.

The vital role of metaphor in human development is a way to help us move toward healing. If we can use the metaphor together and form a connection based on the metaphor language, then it can be a transformative experience. Used in this way metaphors function as bridges: they bridge the worlds between what is known and unknown, verbal and nonverbal, real and unreal, fact and fiction, past and present, and conscious and unconscious. The vital role of metaphor in a variety of different psychotherapies can open up an experience or emotion that may have been inaccessible before. It is in the moments when we are in a strong alliance that the most essential information can be expressed through metaphor.

Imagine that you are trying to talk about a traumatic event in your life but you simply cannot find the words.  By creating a metaphor, you could talk about the event from arms length, beginning to explore it without diving into the waters that might still be too deep to survive in. 

I hope you recognized that diving metaphor as a way to explain what I am trying to talk about here!

So, what do you think?  Have you used metaphor? Has it been helpful?